“I wish I had….

a sister or a brother” she said, “I would just like a little playmate” she said.

Out of the mouths of babes.

My 5 year old spoke these words to me today. It took me by surprise, she has never really said anything like this to me. She confided in me that she felt sad and asked whether or not I was ever going to have another baby. My first thought was ‘what was I going to say and I need to be really thoughtful in my response’ my heart was breaking. I gave her a hug and told her I wish she had a sister or a brother too. I said I always hope one day she will have one. Honesty is the best policy and where I can I always want to be truthful with her.

It’s not fair and far too complicated to explain that we have wanted another child for years, that we have had lots of tests in hospital, that we tried IVF last year and it didn’t work out the way we had hoped. That there is hope every month because it may just happen like it did before. We didn’t just want another child for us, but for her too. I had always hoped for a big family.

The trouble is now she is nearly 6. Even if I was fortunate enough to have another child would she have a playmate or is the age gap too big? Would she even be interested in them? I felt sad for her. I very rarely feel sad about my situation for me, it is what it is and I try to be positive and proactive, but for her all she sees is her friends with their siblings. Even writing about this makes it seem so so sad and I can’t stop crying. Silent crying, I don’t want my husband to see how sad I feel- it really won’t help or change our situation.

She finished our conversation saying “I think I will wish for one” and in my head I said the same.

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on ““I wish I had….

  1. I am sorry you are going through this. I’m in exactly the same position and it feels like I am the only one (although obviously I’m not!) we have been trying for two years now and my little boy who is now 3 has started asking. Have you had any explanations as to why? So far we have been told it’s my husband’s low sperm count and now on the path to IVF. Xx

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    1. Thanks for your reply. It is hard but we still need to have hope and I really try not to focus on it. I think that’s why I was so upset because it wasn’t about me, it was about my daughter. Hope you get lucky before the IVF xxx

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