So very lucky

So here I am, in the Spanish mountains surrounded by olive trees, a cool breeze and the night sky. I can see the stars and the outline of the mountain tops, I can hear the crickets in the grass. I am drinking home grown red wine and I can already feel the headache. 

I’ve not long posted a happy family picture of the three of us on the the first day of our family holiday, our adventure staying in an airstream van – very cool indeed. 

I want to say that I know I’m very lucky, I am very grateful, I love my life with our little adventures. It’s just at every opportunity I am/ we are faced with the question of “do you just have the one?”  

Surrounded by lovely people who no doubt mean well just don’t realise. 

I’m never jealous of these families with children everywhere you look, there is more of a feeling of you are so lucky to have what you do. I often hear people saying “think we will just have one more” like it’s a given, like it’s a sure as the sun will rise in the morning. They are lucky to have such belief. 

I know and realise my life is good, I feel extremely happy in many ways. I post photos on social media showing this, however in this one small crappy way I feel I’m lying. I want to say the truth so I no longer need to hide what’s happening in my real life but something always stops me. 

I am lucky to have a beautiful child to share my life with. I am lucky to have experienced pregnancy. I am lucky to be a mum. I am lucky full stop. 


One thought on “So very lucky

  1. I could write these very words. I have a 4.5 year old and he constantly says “I wish I had a baby sister”. It breaks my heart and I just tell him that I have no control over whether that will happen.
    But at the same time, like yourself, I know we, HE, have a great life.

    Secondary infertility is so unfair. I’m really sorry your going through this. Someone once said to me “Your son isn’t going to grow up and say ‘Mom and Dad didn’t give me brother or sister’, he is going to grow up and say ‘Dad went fishing with me, Mom baked cookies with me, Mom and Dad LOVED me’.. And in the end, thats what matters”. I get very high anxiety thinking about the impact all I’m going through will have on him. So when I heard that, it made sense and it makes me feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

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